Scars Of Life
by svuships
Summary: When a suspect gets to Olivia Benson and Amanda Rollins, will it push their friendship to a new level or will it leave them will battle scars?
1. Chapter 1

***Note: Set in early season 14***

 **"What'd we got caption?" Olivia said as the team walked into the bullpen "Four women, all raped and tortured in Manhattan. Two in Central Park, two in an alley. This guy seems to strike in twos. All the women said he was rough, and he was armed. Benson, Fin. Munch is out sick, you'll be switching partners for now. The victims are very scarce of men. They've demanded all their doctors be women and request the cops are as well. Rollins, Benson go interview the vics they're still at the hospital. Fin, Amaro, you go to the crime scenes. Stay alert! This guy is quick and he is dangerous." And with that, Cragen sends the detectives on their way.**

 **Amanda and Olivia arrive at the hospital and each get a description of the suspect. They decided it would be easier if they split up to take statements so the women didn't feel crowed. Once the sketch artist came to the hospital Olivia and Rollins returned with a sketch of the perp and got a hit off it by the time they got back to the squad. "Name is Jeffery Milligan, lives in Manhattan, drives a blue van, and works at a shipping yard." Olivia reads off the screen to the caption "Pick him up." Cragen says. As Rollins and Olivia head out, Amaro and Fin walked in with another sketch. The two women hear Cragen tell them to also pick him up after they ran their suspects name and with that, they all head out.**

 **Amanda and Olivia arrive at Milligan's apartment under 10 minuets. They knock on the door as they announce theirselves before kicking down the door. They walk in, guns raised, and search the small apartment. Once they clear it, they call it in to Cragen telling him Milligan's not there. "Cragen said Nick and Fin are running down a lead and that we have stake out duty on Milligan." Olivia informed Amanda "Got it." The young detective says as they walk back to the car. Around ten minuets later Fin and Amaro called Amanda and asked if they need anything. The girls told them were were getting hungry and could go for some pizza so the boys went and grabbed them one and brought it back to them. "Anything?" Fin asked as they rolled up next to the girls and handed them their food "Nothing so far. How about you, any leads?" Olivia asked "Same for us. All we've got is a name, a face, and a car." Amaro says "Yeah same here." Rollins "Cragen's calling, we got a hit. You two have fun." Amaro says as they leave the girls with their pizza and drinks as their stake out begins. What felt like hours had passed and they had only seen a woman and a young child go in and out of the building. No one has seen Milligan in days, they'd be lucky if he even came home. Olivia's phone lit up, bringing Amanda out of her thoughts as she saw the name Calvin pop up. Olivia smiled and replied to the text. Amanda had heard mentions of a Calvin in past conversations but she never knew who he was. Amanda saw Olivia's bright smile dim as she looked at the picture of herself and a young boy at what looked to be a carnival. "You good?" Amanda asked, trying not to be nosy. "Yeah..That picture just..Took me by surprise." Olivia said. Amanda tried to hide the curious look on her face but Olivia noticed it and decided it was something she couldn't avoid. "Calvin's mother Vivian.. I took her case. She gave me parental custody of him. She was on a slippery slope and thought he'd be better with me. We got pretty close.. He started writing his name as Calvin Benson. He said it was because I.. Because I saved him..." Olivia managed to choke out "His mother came back into his life shortly after that and decided he's better with her parents then me. She took back custody and told me I couldn't see him again... I can't even describe how grateful I was when his grandparents told me I could see him whenever I wanted. We took that picture soon after they told me that. We all went to the carnival. One of the best days of my life." Olivia says. Amanda opened her mouth to reply but was stopped when a thick white spray came out of the air vents causing them to start choking. The windows wouldn't bust. The doors were stuck. They were passed out in seconds.**

 **When Olivia woke, her hands and feet were taped to a bed. Rollins was sitting in a chair, taped to a pole. A man stood in the corner smiling as he realized Olivia woke up. "Hey sweetheart." He says, Olivia struggled with the restraints when she realized who he was... Milligan.**


	2. Chapter 2

***explicit-rape and torture***

 **Amanda's arms are taped behind her back, around the metal pole. Olivia's taped to the bed, hands tied around the one of the posts. Feet ducted taped to the notches on the footboard.**

 **"You don't know how a real man does it!" Milligan's yelling at Rollins, slapping her occasionally. The bed is faced to the left of Rollins, giving her a clear view of Olivia.**

 **"Show me." Liv says**

 **"What?" His reactions changed as he saw the pleading look on Olivia's face**

 **"Show me how a real man does it." Liv says, trying to get him away from Rollins**

 **"Liv don't!" Rollins says "I can take it" Milligan slapped her and put tape over her mouth**

 **"Show me!" Olivia yells at the man**

 **"You got it princess!" He says. Olivia can see the fear on Amanda's face, making his sinister grin grow.**

 **He walked over to Olivia, climbing on the bed unbuttoning her pants. Her eyes wondered around the room, looking anywhere but at him and Rollins. He pulled her pants down to her thighs as he roughly kissed her neck. Amanda's trying to get out of her restraints but the tape around get wrist isn't budging.**

 **"Tell me you want it." Milligan says as he unzips his pants "Say it!" He yelled making Amanda jump when he slapped Benson "I want it." Olivia says, trying hard to keep her voice calm, her anxiety levels quickly on the rise as her flashbacks from Seal View kick into over drive. "Please. I need it." She could see out of the corner of her eye Rollins crying at what was about to happen. "Since you said please, I'll be nice and wear a condom. But next time.. Oh next time is when the fun happens." The sinister man smiled as he pulled his pants to his ankles. Putting the condom on and laughing, Olivia squeezed her eyes shut as he slammed into her. As her eyes teared up, she looked at Amanda whom, at this point, was in a puddle of her own tears. Milligan grunted as Olivia shifted from the pain, his knees digging into her thighs. "Ah you feel so good!" He said closing his eyes, cocking his head back. Olivia's hands were tight around the bed post, desperately trying to hold onto something. Amanda couldn't help but turn away, frankly Olivia was glad she did. She didn't want her to see any of this. Olivia could feel the bruises forming on her thighs as he pushed himself harder onto her. He leaned down and bit her neck making her cry out in pain. "Yeah! You like that bitch! Take it rough!" He screamed as he slammed himself deeper into her, making her hurt even more. She could see Amanda squeezing her eyes shut as the tears rolled down her cheeks and over the tape. He pulled out and lifted Olivia's shirt then finished himself. Olivia was grateful Amanda had looked the other way. If there was ever anything she didn't want her to see, it's this.**

 **He pulled their pants up and rubbed Olivia's shirt in his.. Accomplishment. He gathered himself and smiled as he walked out of the room. Olivia looked over at Amanda. Her cheeks are red, her eyes puffy from crying. Amanda hated that despite everything Olivia just went through, she still looked at her and told her it would be ok. She hoped the team would figure they're no longer on Milligan's apartment but with him and come help them. Olivia was trying to process what he just did to her. It's like it was all a dream. Even though she knew should would have a hard time telling people what happened, in some way she's glad it happened to her and not Rollins. The entire point of that was to get him away from her. She'd do whatever he wanted as long as he stayed away from Rollins. Milligan came back in some time later and kissed Olivia roughly. When she pulled away he got angry and pistol whipped her until she passed out. She had already given him what he wanted, she wasn't about to play anymore of his games.**

 **Back at the station Cragen couldn't reach Rollins and Benson and send Fin and Amaro out to check on them. "Caption they're gone. Car's filled with some white smoke. Got a witness that said a white male matching Milligan's description carried two white females to a van but not before knocking one of the women around when she fought back... Description matched Liv." Fin tells the caption over the phone. A loud 'damn it' was heard before Cragen demanded the two detectives find Milligan and bring Amanda and Liv home safe.**

 **What felt like hours later, Olivia began to wake up. Her vision was blurry and her face feels like she's taken a bad beating. "Liv?" She hears "Olivia." She looks over to find Amanda with a bloody lip and bruising eye. "God what'd he do to you?" Olivia says "You just woke up from being pistol whipped and you're worried about me?" Rollins said "I'm fine. You on the other hand.. You look like hell." Olivia says, her words still a bit slurred due to the beating to her face "When we get our of here, I'm taking you for a drink. Lord knows you've earned it." Amanda says, her accent making it sound more southern then she thought. Olivia was silent for a moment. "My mother was an alcoholic.." Olivia nearly whispers before passing out again leaving Amanda to ponder her last comment.**

 **"I hate to be the one to say this.. Milligan's had Benson and Rollins for nearly 18 hours.. We've seen what he did to his last victims and with them being cops..." Nick says "Yeah... I know.." Cragen says "We're still no closer to finding them." Nick says "Maybe I can help with that!" Much says "Thought you were sick?" Fin says "Well once I heard I got better... Anyway. I asked around and found Milligan used to use an abandoned hotel's basement for parties. It wasn't listened as he because he knew bought it. I went over your notes.. It's the one place you haven't checked." Munch says "Find them." Cragen says as Amaro and Fin grab the address from his hand and run to the elevators and the calvary follows**

 **"No!" Olivia yelled as Milligan hits Amanda. He walks over to Liv, pours vodka down her throat and laughs when she spits it out. "I know you like it!" Milligan yells "Go to hell." Olivia says "You bitch!" Milligan says. As he raised his hand to hit her the power went off. "NYPD! Milligan show yourself!" Liv hears Fin yell. She hears Amaro, Munch, and Cragen yelling 'NYPD' in various parts of the building, although Fin sounds the closest. "Liv, 'Manda!" She heard someone yell loudly. There was a very dim back up light in their room. Olivia could see Milligan pull the gun from his pocket as the squad got closer. "NYPD!" Amaro yells from a few rooms down "Lights out." Milligan whispers as he covers Liv's mouth and pressed the gun to her head "See you in hell." And with that two shots rang out and everything went dark.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Note: Cassidy and Barba are not in this***

 **"NYPD!" The team yelled as they breach the room "LIGHTS ON N*OW! TURN EM ON!" Fin yelled over the radio. As soon as they were on they see Amanda with her mouth taped, Amaro went over to her cutting her lose and taking the tape off "Liv?! Help Liv! ..He raped her" Amanda said, whispering the last part to Amaro "Benson?!" Cragen said as Fin cut her hands and feet lose. They saw the blood coming from her stomach. "CALL A BUS!" Nick yelled "Son of a bitch shot and raped her." Fin whispered to the caption "But not before he tried to killed himself." Amanda said as the paramedics took Liv and Milligan out of gurneys, she was still unconscious.**

 **They wanted to separate Olivia and Amanda but Rollins out up a fight and went with Olivia in her ambulance. One paramedic tended to Amanda, the other to Liv who still wasn't conscious. She was breathing but barley still alive. Eighty percent of Olivia's body was covered in bruises or blood. Her stomach was the worst. Despite all the pressure they put on the wound, it's still bleeding. The monitors start beeping and paramedics start yelling. "She's coding!" Amanda just froze.**

 **"White female late 40s early 50s, GSW to the abdomen, internal bleeding, and sever concussion" they said as they wheeled Olivia to surgery "Are you the next of kin?" A nurse said as they stopped Amanda at the door of the surgery room "Co-worker, I was with her when it happened" Amanda said "Ma'am you're injured, you need to get checked as well." The paramedic that tended to Amanda said "Anything we should know about her?" The nurse asked "Yeah.." Amanda said looking at them pull Olivia's unconscious body onto the hospital bed as they tried to get her heart beating again "She was raped."**

 **Everyone waited in the hospital waiting room. Amanda refused to leave the spot where she stood next to the door of the surgery room. When a fellow officer gets injured, despite if they don't work directly with them, all the cops come to the hospital. It's just always been like that. Show support, or pay respects. This time though.. Amanda didn't know which they were doing. Olivia was strong, stronger then anyone she's ever met. But deep down, she knew Milligan beat the hell out of her and that Liv had a sixty-forty chance of walking out of this hospital. Just when she thought It couldn't get worse.. In walked IAB.**

 **"Tucker she's in surgery." Cragen said "I need their statements." Tucker said "What part of surgery don't you understand fool?!" Fin said. Tucker always had a way to fire him up. He hated the guy. "Milligan woke up and is claiming he had consensual sex with Benson. That the bruises are because she.. Liked it.. And that Rollins roughed her up, then put the gun on him and had him do the same to her then tie her up." Tucker said "He's saying I did this?!" Rollins said, loud enough for everyone to hear "That I beat up Benson?! That I..." She stopped there knowing Olivia wouldn't want the entire force to know what he did to her "The last thing he said before they busted in was 'lights out, see you In hell'. HE pulled the trigger! I was taped to the pole I couldn't shoot him even if I wanted to and oh believe me I wanted to-" Amanda yells as Fin gently drags her away from Tucker before she gets herself arrested "We checked the DNA on her clothes. It's a match to Milligan's and his sample matched the other victims. I haven't done a physical exam to prove anything but by looking at her clothes there was intercorse.. I just don't know if it was consensual.." The nurse told the team as Tucker walked away "Good thing Rollins didn't hear that.. She might of killed Milligan." Amaro said as Fin and Rollins walked back into the room. Cragen was called aside to talk to Liv's doctor. "Ask Olivia when she wakes up she'll tell you what really happened!" Rollins says "That might be harder then you think.." Cragen said as he walked back to the officers, gaining everyone's attention "... She didn't make it of the table."**


	4. Chapter 4

div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"Everyone's faces fell. A few officers took off their hats and placed them over their heart in respect for their fallen comrade. "No.. No.. No no no" Amanda whispered "I'm sorry." Cragen whispered to her, both on the break of tears. "Happy now." Fin said to Tucker "No.. Things just got much worse." Tucker said "I need to see her." Amanda said making everyone look at her "Amanda I don't think-" Fin said "I need to see her." Amanda said, more stern "Nurse." Amaro said. They escorted her to Olivia's operating room. They had already put the sheet over her. Amanda's tears started to sting, she was crying so much when they removed the sheet. "Oh god I'm so sorry." Amanda said through tears "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry" She grabbed Olivia's hand and noticed the ring in her palm. It was hers. Amanda reached over to hold her hand in the ambulance when she coded, her ring slipped off. She just figured it ended up in the floor. She sobs when she noticed the shadow it left on Olivia's hand. She had squeezed it so hard it made an impression in her palm./div  
div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;" /div  
div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"The team heard a loud 'no' through sobs, It broke their hearts. Amanda idolized Benson. She was her hero. Strong, beautiful, witty, smart, confident. She was everything to her./div  
div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;" /div  
div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;""What's the C.O.D.?" Amanda asked, knowing she'd regret it "Massive internal bleeding... When he pushed his knees onto her thighs it caused a small blood clot, when she was shot the blood couldn't get through and she... Where the blood clot was, it wasn't painful. All she would have felt was the sting from the bullet." The nurse choked out "She was pistol whipped after she was raped.. It caused her to pass out.." Amanda said "That was the blood clot... There was nothing anyone could do." The nurse said before saying her condolences and covering Olivia back up./div  
div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;" /div  
div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;""They said c.o.d. was because she bled internally from the rape. He pressed too hard on her veins, created a blood clot... Rollins said Benson challenged Milligan to show her how a 'real man' does it..." Amaro says softly "She died because she saved me." Amanda said from the doors "Amanda I-" Amaro said "I already knew.." Amanda said. She looked exhausted. Dark circles under her eyes, her face pink and splotchy from crying. "Have you gotten your exam?" The metic asked "I'll do it now." Amanda said softly "Bastard's not getting a pass for this one.."/div 


	5. Chapter 5

div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"*Short chapter srry* /div  
div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"*4 months later*/div  
div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;" /div  
div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"We had won the case and Jeff Milligan was behind bars but it didn't change anything. Amanda still had one more month of 'psychical healing' to do and another after that for 'emotional healing'. Cragen gave her an extra month off so she could deal with what happened after she healed. Amanda hated it because he used Olivia as an excuse to get her more time off but was grateful because she had a lot to deal with. She still blamed herself for the loss of her co-worker.. Friend.. Hero.. Whatever you want to call her. Nearly all her bruises and cuts have faded or healed. She was almost as good as new. Well... As good as she'll get. She hears a knock on the door, assuming it's the pizza she ordered she grabbed her cash and went to the door. She looked out the peephole seeing someone in a size-too-big leather jacket, scarf that looked oddly familiar, and black baseball cap. Keeping their head down, Amanda sat down her cash, grabbed her gun and asked who it was. When they didn't answer and their face remained covered, she unlocked the door and raised her gun "NYPD identify yourself!" She yelled as she swung the door open. The person's hands flew up as they kept their head down. "Who are you?!" Amanda yelled keeping her gun trained on them. "I said who are you!" Amanda yelled. They slowly lifted their head reviling their face. The tan skin, the lips, the nose and finally... The eyes. Amanda was stunned at the person standing before her. She froze. Gun still trained on them. "Hello Amanda."/div  
div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;" /div 


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